Absurdities of Online Dating Revisited

Why won't they listen?

God knows I've been outspoken on my views concerning online dating. At this particular nexus in my personal history, though, this exists as mainly an academic concern, as Girlfriend and I are getting along famously. We actually met online, so I feel as though I have a bully pulpit on the issue.

Given a recent perusal of Match.com ("Find your summer love with our 72-hour free trial!"), I feel compelled to add one more rule to my previously published Rules of Online Dating:

Rule 7: If you say you're a happy person, make an attempt in your picture to LOOK happy.

Here's the picture that goes with the profile that caused this rule to be written:
And here's the profile, verbatim....

"About me and what I'm looking for: Hi I am known for my blue eyes and always smiling. I work hard at what I do and enjoy my job. I am searching for blah blah blah...."

What she's saying after that first sentence, who cares? She might be known for always smiling, but apparently there was that one brief moment when sadness or bitchiness or dare-I-say-it that certain time of the month overtook her. And she chose that moment to have someone take her picture, and then used it in her profile.

Photographer: "C'mon smile this is the picture that's gonna find you that guy you want..."
Her (Smiling, checking reflection in handheld mirror): 'Kay, hold on, almost ready..."
Photog: "OK, hold that pose, and....."
[Universe unexplainably sends random thought to her head about how all men will eventually fuck her over just like her ex-husband, causing momentary puss-face]
Photog: ....Got it! Great, we're done here!"
Her (Realizing how picture must have looked) : Wait, wait, I wasn't even smiling! I'm a happy person, I can't use that in my...."
Photog (Packing up equipment): Oh sorry, looks like even though everything's digital, that was actually the last available piece of film in the free world. Guess you're stuck. Bye bye, my bill's in the mail...
Her: Oh shit, well, I guess I don't have any choice. I know, I'll just put in my profile that I'm a happy person! I'm sure people will understand the crushing dichotomy between my words and my picture. Yeah, everything's cool now!"


Good luck to her. I think her best chance is going to be to hook up with the guy whose profile says he's "romantic and attentive" by which he means he won't ignore you for basketball/football/baseball on TV until you've had 6 dates and he's sure you're insecure enough not to call him on it. Yeah, they'll be happy together. Yeah, always smiling.