It Exists, Therefore It Is Ridiculous.

While I usually attempt some sort of social commentary or wry observational wit, with fitful success, it is with great pleasure I merely transcribe, verbatim, items which by their very existence self-satirize and point up how what a bloated, sorry, pathetic lot celebrity chasers are. (The italics in the story are mine, everything else is verbatim).

Cruise & Holmes Baby Pictures Fail To Sell
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes refused to sell pictures of their new daughter Suri, after the photos were offered to the media and failed to get a significant price, according to media reports in the US. Photos of other new born celebrity babies, including Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's baby Shiloh, Gwen Stefani's baby Kingston and Brooke Shields' baby Grier have all graced the covers of major magazines. According to Fox News correspondent Roger Friedman, a photo shoot of Suri was offered to photo agency WireImage. Photos of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt were reportedly sold to People magazine for $4 million, but pictures of Suri Cruise produced not more than a $3 million bid. At that point the offer for the photos was reportedly rescinded. A magazine expert tells Friedman now that the baby is nearly three months old, her price will only go down, adding, "Shiloh was the whole deal. We won't see a baby like that again for a while."

Yes indeedy! A baby birthed by two people who spend their lives being someone they're not, a baby who hasn't done dick for human society yet, a baby who apparently has more game than Baby Jesus, ah my friend, now we're talking fucking jackpot! Only $3,000,000.00 for the Cruise baby! Fuck those clowns. How dare they. Off with their heads, infidels! They'll all be sorry when Suri reaches Scientology level OT7! Then shall they tremble!

This just in: You-know-who.... ...is still a Screaming Hysterical Harpy Bitch who Needs to Get Laid. This is actually the 7332nd consecutive day of this condition. Godspeed, Anne, you know we love you, by which of course I mean we don't.